Tag Archives: perspective

Spandex Woes and More

I post a lot about feelings.  This blog is basically my online journal and showcases how alike you and I might be with our differences in beliefs.  Yet, I forget to let you in on some of the extraordinary portions of my life – the details that are specific to being Hebrew.

What I find to be one of the more complicated matters of Hebrew life is that of clothing.

The command not to mix fibers leaves a modern gal mostly flummoxed when confronting the clothing aisles.  Linen/wool blends, linen blends, wool blends, cotton/poly blends, linen/cotton/wool blends… it’s like looking for a sinew needle in a 500 gallon bin full of multi-fiber yarn.

I can tell you that I have to be in the mood to shop when it comes time to buy clothes.  The time I spend poring tediously over every content label would unnerve me to no end if I were simply running an errand on a tight schedule.

Since I work in an office, I typically settle on man-made clothing blends, hoping for a label of 100% unnatural vs mixing the natural cloth fibers.  Poly, nylon and spandex are my primary work-a-day options.

lace light

When I find the rare item that is 100% single fabric, I’m overjoyed.

The most recent find was on clearance as well.  Label me the proud owner of 9 (yes, nine) new pairs of 100% cotton jeans, purchased for $6.67 per pair, plus shipping and taxes.

Come now, don’t hate – I cannot find jeans without that tidbit of spandex added to the cotton.  When I do…

Call it prepping, call it hoarding – I call it practical.  It will save me hours of search time over the next few years.  With that practical mindset, I also varied the sizes, to account for minor fluctuations on the scale over time.  I like my chocolate and I’m prone to the occasional baked goods binge.  It’s not going to leave me pant-less.

But wait, there’s ‘More’.

While commanded, there is no penalty listed for this guideline.  Should I find myself facing no options but mixed fibers, it would not be a death penalty.  There is no slap on the wrist listed.  Many of the guidelines in Torah have no retribution, contrary to what some might believe.  I like to think that Almighty was keen to the possibility that there would be times when it would be difficult to live those ‘lesser’ commands.

Would I know?  Certainly.  There is that.  I would know that I had tried, but not met my obligation.  I’d have to live with that.

What a beautiful methodology.

 

Is It Real…

Or is it Menopause?

It was a relief to discover that my red-eyed appearance was not an emotional symptom, but rather simply a case of dry eyes that I ignored to the point where my tissues were constantly inflamed.  Menopause symptom, likely, and easily addressed by adding Omega 3 and using re-wetting or artificial tear drops as needed.  As needed being more often than I remember to administer – but I’ll get there.  Thankfully, my constant red eyelids are now just an unpleasant memory.

Granted, I’ve been more likely to reach a silent overwhelm of emotion these days, particularly when I’m in the presence of my children.  It makes no sense to me, as these are some of the people with whom I draw the most comfort.

watered false nettle

I am rendered nearly speechless, unable to converse comfortably, or sensibly.  Some of it is attributed to tinnitus – there are only so many tones that I can focus on without losing part of what’s being heard.   Partly, it’s that I don’t want to miss a thing, so I nearly miss everything as I try to focus on every conversation at once.  Not as easy a fix – but I’ll be working to find my perfect hearing range so that I can focus to give full-on attention to the conversant in that range.

The part that I can’t change is that I’m full to the brim with love for these people, and am faced with a change in status, for which I have no practice.

watered dawn 2

Change is a constant in life, and I’ve done a damn fine job of handling change in the past (meaning that I didn’t go on a rampage, and I didn’t have a total meltdown).  Change during my earlier years was like drinking water.  I gulped it down and on to the next task I went.

About five years ago I noticed a shift, a grating of tectonic plates sort of shift.  Suddenly, I found myself irritable with too much change or too many compounded changes.  Sure, I could still function well, I could still move on to the next task, but my comfort zone had been impacted, and it unsettled me, irritated me.

Still in the irritable stage, change has been fairly constant, the compounded sort, but I’m functional.

watered daylight

A change in position not aptly prepared for – that sort of change is like a chasm that has opened up beneath me.  I’m not prepared for it, but accept that I must either embrace and learn to roll with it, or tumble along grasping recklessly at strongholds along the way.

Mother-in-law, Step-mother-in-law, Grandma, Step-Grandma – these titles, these changes to my position, have caught me off-guard in comparison with my own head-in-the-clouds, prior-concocted expectations.

Let me broadcast with great joy:  I have the absolute best of the pick when it comes to family.  Our sons were extremely easy to raise, and they chose very well when they chose their mates.  I have daughters-in-law whom I love dearly, and they are the perfect complement to our family.  Our grandchildren are a pure delight, and their parents are doing a great job raising these youngsters.

sunflower detail

My job should be easy, but I’m a perfectionist in the most annoying ways – obsessive about where my everyday use items are situated, persnickety about what I ingest, and particularly overly particular in creating my own expectations.

I want to match expectations that I set long ago.  I want to take bits and pieces from others I’ve observed in these positions and meld them into some fantasy figure, based on very little reality.  Who could possibly have factored in where I or my family would be in our lives when this particular stage of life arrived?

So I emote silly things based on my silly notions, and get myself all tizzy-frazzled for things that no one else can control.

Compound that with the fact that my mother-in-law died during my second year of marriage, creating a void where I could have learned a great deal.  My mentor is absent, that’s my excuse…

hewn

So I’m forging ahead in uncharted territory, with great hope that I won’t injure any relationships, step on anyone’s feelings, or cause any great distress; yet keep in mind my own emotional health and well-being.

Oh, and did I mention I’m menopausal?  😉

Elements

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My eye is drawn to architectural elements, to lines and curves and impact, whether natural or man-made.

These are shots taken in Scottsdale with my dandy point and shoot, saved for spare moments when I could finally edit those little parts and pieces that did not please me.

 

Understanding Snowbirds

Each year, another notch of unrest strikes at my aging body.

During the early years of marriage, our primary difference was where our ‘dream’ home was located.  He said humid Texas and I said rocky Colorado.  He loved the moist heat and I loved the dry cold.

As an easy compromise, we remained in Kansas.  Hot humid summers and cold-ass winters.  Neither of us really thrilled about the locale, but staying put is ever so easily accomplished.

Aging, it seems, makes me reconsider – perhaps there’s merit in warmer climates.

As the joints in my fingers squeal little prophetic tunes of ‘if you think this is bad, just you wait’, and my cold ankles send icicles up my spine, I recognize that there will need to be some more compromises made – and quickly!

I’ve discovered that once my ankles become chilled, there is no other body part that I can warm to adjust my core temperature back to comfort.  I simply have to find a method to keep my ankles warm, always.  Similarly, the back of my neck is now a temperature modifying zone.

Where are those leg-warmers of the 80s?  Why didn’t I subscribe to that fashion phase and store a box of them as mementos?

Thankfully, scarves have been quite the recent fashion craze – and as usual, I’ll finally be interested in them once they’re going out of style.  Count on me to be completely off the tracks of fashion sense.  🙂

Seriously though, I’ve recently discovered that quality “short”boots – not the ankle boots, mind you – provide just the sort of heat entrapment necessary for these thermostat ankles, so I’ve stalled the caravan South for a bit.

But I do understand those SnowBirds now.  Does that mean I’m still learning?

 

Thankful

A day on the US calendar, declared a day of thanks, gives me the day off from work and a good reason to use it to spend with family.

I love my family, so a day when all of us – or many of us – can be together, to visit, to share, to eat (it really does always revolve around the food, yes it does)… those are good days.  Those are days that I am extremely thankful for.

This year though, I’m taking the day off.  No big to-do, no organized meal, because truly this is not a prescribed Holy Day for me.  Not a day commanded by Almighty.  It’s a culturally inherited day, one which I have the ability to enjoy if I so choose, but one on which I would also gladly work if needed.

Hubby countered me the other day when I was describing a conversation I’d had with a co-worker about the days I “observe”.  In his mind, I observe Thanksgiving.  Simply because we often host family in our home on this National Day with all of the fixings.

Easily misunderstood.  It nearly does seem like our family tradition.

Thing is, it’s not.

Really.

Family tradition would mean that I would feel somewhat bereft in not following it  – amiss, and off-kilter, nearly guilty.

I don’t.

I’m extremely thankful that today will be a day I am not required to be at my workplace and a day that I can simply do whatever I feel like doing.

Turkey cooking?  Yes, in fact.  Hubby brought one home from work and I have the day off, so I’ll pop that bird in the oven sometime today.

But at my own pace, because I’m not on a scheduled tradition clock today.

🙂