Tag Archives: life

R & R Observations

Finally, time in the garden and the urge to record.  Snapshots of the new home’s garden before and after.

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Cleared corner, prepped for the build
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Path and beds laid and planted – then came the rains…
Bed of hungarian peppers, rhubarb, choke berry, asparagus and heather
Inset path of ajuga, plantain and sorrel, etc
Beet greens and chard, etc
Heather

Pathway corner with ajuga
Creeping thyme from pathway
View under the rhubarb
Much awaited rainbow chard
Hungarian wax peppers
Cat in the carrot patch
View to the side garden
Plantain path between planters
Garden visitors

Ah, my favorite spaces.

 

Mid-Life: Crisis or Crux

Once again I find myself addressing the void, the lack of posts, the unspoken pieces.

There has been a lot of activity in the last year or so; so much to excuse the silence.   A lot of accomplishments, a lot of hard work, a lot of necessary doings – and a lot of deep thinking.

We often hear about mid-life crises – those defining moments when a person in their advancing years puts in a hearty attempt to stop the clock, to return to their youth in defiance of the advance.  I’ve witnessed this phenom, multiple times.  I’ve also dabbled with it off and on myself, when surrounded by youthful coworkers.

I’ve decided, however, that this is a thinly woven cover-up for the reality of mid-life.

Reality?  Mid-life is a crisis, a crux – a very poignant step where you find yourself staring at hard truths.

Who am I under all of this detritus?  Now that I’ve forged a path, albeit paved with a mish-mash variety of materials that ramble hither and thither with only the thread of staid peoples flowing constantly through, I stand at this juncture looking around and find…  myself.  That’s not what I went looking for long ago – in fact, I can assure you that I was actually running furiously from self.  Surprise!   And the best part?  I like me.  Who-da-thunk?

What are my priorities?  Having accomplished minimal security, in the paid-off home and accouterments, I am now free to look around and find that family is once again at the top of the list.  Except that I find myself pulled in both directions – toward adult children and their families and toward my remaining parent in his advanced years.  I’ve been in similar circumstance, while raising the children and caring for my handicapped mother.  But I had the understated stake on youth at that point, and was able to keep multiple plates spinning with nary a drop.

Where do we go from here?  Youth is gone.  There’s no recapture of the strength and stamina – and we will simply ignore the elephant in the room, ol’ beauty and the beast who now peers back from the glass.  The priorities are going to take a toll on us, that’s just a fact we’ll have to accept – and we’re not yet in a position to leave the work world, to free up time to better fit all of the pieces.

So my synopsis is that a mid-life crisis is not as we’ve always presumed.  Truly, it’s a point in life where we find ourselves split in three directions, filling three positions, nurturing three households.  We are the crux, the point between the past and the future.

Our goal?  To persevere.  And to do it well enough that our future selves may look back with fond memories, and peer out to see no longer ourselves, but the results of our hard work, our future generations.

 

Adjusting Positively to Change

As time trickles seemingly more and more quickly through the lifeline hourglass, I find myself once again writing a catch-up post.

World events keep me alternately pressing my head, yoga style, into that hole in the ground, then rising, gasping with tear-filled eyes at the horrors I see played out around and to the globe we call home, tinted with the blood-stained, fear-driving scenarios of our future.

I subscribe to positive news feeds, to keep some semblance of balance – yet even these often confound me.  How are many man-made intrusions to Almighty’s design considered to be ‘good’?

With all of this,  I ground myself by thinking of NOW.  The people around me, strangers, next door neighbors, co-workers, friends and family – many of these who I consider the silent majority.  That portion of us who are living our lives to produce as much positive and kindness and simple self-rewards to sustain ourselves as the current convenience/industrial/regulation realm will allow.

Sure, there are outliers – those who spew hatred with their political name-calling, and those who prey on the weak, and those who regularly beat the war drums – and these are the fodder for headlines and blankets that skew the social networks.

But my day-to-day interactions are counter to this ugly racist/divisive/far-left/far-right social overlay that seems to define the majority.

I hope I’m correct – that the silent majority is as I believe, the good still there, the submissive and unspoken until awoken might that is truly indicative of humanity…

And on that note, I find myself awaiting from afar an increase to the positive – a new addition to the family!  A grandson will soon be born, a brother to the beautiful granddaughter who is now 3+.

Attuned to boys, having only raised sons, I am purely excited for this new arrival.  Another smattering of cells that were once part of me is to reside in a tiny new being – a mighty fine piece of new inheritance to survive me.  Praise Almighty!

A granddaughter and a grandson – these two little people are my hope for better, purer things in the future.  These two little beings that I don’t see but a fraction of what time I would prefer to spend with them – these assemblies of perfections and imperfections composed by their parents and all who came before them, these are the best things of life.

This Bubbe will not attend the birth or the first greeting due to a very recent job change, but count on me for a visit next weekend!

The recent job change was a surprise.  I knew I had overdone my time at my current position – but seemed resolved to continue to retirement, assuaging myself with the perks of bonuses and posh office space, flexible work schedules and rare public interactions.

Then I felt pushed too far, and the well-timed surprise recruiter contact regarding a new opportunity sent me back into the market.

I had my self-confidence restored with three job offers, from which I chose… a gardening service company!  Already, some of my physical ailments related to high stress are resolving.  The only true negative of the new position is the inability to take time off to attend the birth of my grandson.  But he won’t know that unless he’s looking back many years from now.

Until then, I’ll be working on providing him with positive examples.  🙂

 

Discontent

Within our Torah community, discontent is something we often discuss.  It’s pervasive in this day and age, and likely always has been.

We see it played out in the exodus story – the people complaining about their meal delivery plan not being as diverse as what they had available to them in bondage.  Rather than continuing to celebrate their freedom from bondage, rather than being thankful for the daily food they were delivered, rather than being in awe of the historic event they participated in, they instead obsessed upon that discontent of temporary gastrointestinal displeasure.

Always looking for something to make us feel better, why are we not satisfied with ‘enough’.  When is it ‘enough’?

Why do I feel like the dining set I’ve had for 20 years needs to be replaced?  It’s sturdy, it expands to seat extra people, it’s scratches and worn finish could easily be covered over.  What creates that desire to have more, to replace what already exists?  It seems so easy to justify whatever we perceive as our desires – and that self-justification and subsequent acquisition only temporarily lulls that lusty appetite for more.

I could dive into the psychological manipulations of the marketing gurus from decades past, or the social manipulations being currently driven by mass data mining and artificial intelligence.  But it goes back much farther than that.

The desire to have what is perceived to be better than our current holdings, our current space, our current position, this drive to have what was not ours, it’s making us miserable.  And it seems our species is entrenched with it as part of our genetic make-up.  It seems we’ve always been looking for more.

This discontent has upset the entire global structure and clouds our perception of how life should truly operate.  We think we can improve upon every natural thing, but instead corruption and destruction lies in our wake.   Our self-importance and striving to improve our lots are threatening to wipe out important species, and draining our natural resources.

Where does it stop?  How do we turn this gluttonous belly of society into a functional form?

What is your discontent?  How can you accept your place, your space, your allotment in life and embrace contentment?

Are you out of line?  Am I?

Community Discussions – Open

This has been a long time coming, but some of our community is having an ‘open’, well semi-open, discussion about Torah and the Land of Canaan.

You are welcome to see what it’s about:

http://torahhealstheland.boards.net/

Join in, if you agree to the terms.  🙂

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

I know it’s a common refrain – but my life has been BUSY!  Too busy to think.  And now, I’m being assaulted by the reminder that my subscription is nearly expired.

Time to make a decision – to continue blogging or not?

We’ll know in the next few days.  Until then, I just want to leave this thought:

It’s so easy to get distracted by this or that or the other, but the things that will provide the most inner satisfaction are the decisions you make to improve your outlook.  Breathe deep, focus on the important bits, and don’t let the fuckers of this world get you down.

Head games is all I see being played out on the media.  Think for yourselves peoples.  Emotional ploys are pitting everyone against each other.  See it for what it is.  Head games.

Peace out!

Trisha

Rights? What Are Rights?

I keep hearing ‘God-given rights’.

I want to know:  what are those rights?  Seriously?!

If those rights are based on something that isn’t factual, frequent repetition of those words doesn’t by default make them law.

If those oft-repeated rights are based on something seemingly factual but being attributed to the God of Torah, the God of the Old Testament, then the title of God has been taken in vain.  Dangerous ground there, slippery slopes and all.

God given rights are to breathe, to multiply, and to die. Given equally to mankind, to animals as well as to plant life (breathe termed in alternate forms) and organisms.

Choice is an option given mankind. Not a right, an option. People often choose to be emotionally driven.

Right to live?  Well, until you die… sure.

Liberty? No, not a right that Almighty granted, but seemingly a cultural perception graced upon society in general.

Pursuit of happiness? Whatever. That’s another cultural perception of mankind, not a God-granted right.

The words of Torah, the history of Tanakh comes to mind… 

People were born poor.

People were in situations where there was no food, no water.

People died.

People were born into slavery.  All colors.

People were isolated into groups.

People were restricted and persecuted for their beliefs, their race, their cultures.  Across the earth.

These situations are often the direct result of consequences.  Choices made and consequence of choice being the equal and opposite reaction.  Assigned situations based on circumstance and consequence.

Breathing.

Reproducing.

Dying.

 

Rights equal to all.

The rest is conceptual. Even if penned by founders.