Tag Archives: grandson

Grand – ness

Often, I ponder writing again. Then I consider that I am not who I was when I wrote before… so how to begin?

It came to me finally – where to find my voice, my inner priority.

I have a grandson.

I haven’t posted – I haven’t spoken – much about him

He’s grandpa’s boy, really. They are sweet together, they are. I am so glad that Grandpa Rick has this, this grandpa thing with this grandpa’s boy.

But he’s my grandson. I cannot convey to you the depth of this. This… grandma to a son of my son thing. This stretch of heart across two generations. You don’t know, you can’t fathom what I feel…

We bonded, like his father and I before, he and I. At his early moments, his bonding body stage, the tiny moments… I thank you Sara – I don’t know if you know what it meant to me to have the tiny baby to matronly breast period of bonding, feeling, remembering and knowing that this tiny person was a heart thief, an extension of heart moment that I recalled from decades before… I love that you allowed me this time. How very thoughtful of you.

His dad and I shared that bond. That sameness of feel, that love and connection – that pride. A son. Such a wonderful, proud experience it was to raise my son.

He has heard my pleas. I know I could have done better = and he won’t hear it.

No. You did fine and I’m doing it the same way.

He makes me so proud. My Son. My Sonshine. He is the best of me, the best of his dad. He is a very fine man. You should know him – he is an honor to know and to observe.

He chose a very fine spouse, a corresponding strength. I don’t have relationship skills like I should for caring for women. I have learned habits that need repair, rewiring. I don’t know how to befriend… to trust and care for one of those persons once defined as vile to me, a thing to avoid. A little bit of truth seeping out – those who are abhorrent of women do great damage to their daughters’ relationship skills. Just sayin’.

Granddaughter – I have a granddaughter. One more also as, in my heart, I adopted a sweet young woman in her youth – what a great time I had knowing this sweet and inquisitive beauty! I digress – this granddaughter who is my own – so special and so loved in a new way – this is my heir, my blood, my continuance of a line tossed across the generations by my own grandmother, my mother’s mom. Hated by others for who she was and the life she lived, she… was gone so young. She gave me an idea of my matronage line, German. passed along to me when she faced her short future, as she planned her last years. My identity.

My granddaughter is how I continue that, how I learn how to have a female relationship. Her mother is helping to prep me – thankfully, she is an understanding and nurturing mate for my son. Mother to my granddaughter and my grandson. and a fine spouse, a loved woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt.

My grandson. The reason for this post. I love them both so much, but I have not given the truth. My grandson will hold, for me, a place special in his own right. He is the son of my son, the inheritance. Male continuance. Something I believe strongly.

Grand – ness.

Adjusting Positively to Change

As time trickles seemingly more and more quickly through the lifeline hourglass, I find myself once again writing a catch-up post.

World events keep me alternately pressing my head, yoga style, into that hole in the ground, then rising, gasping with tear-filled eyes at the horrors I see played out around and to the globe we call home, tinted with the blood-stained, fear-driving scenarios of our future.

I subscribe to positive news feeds, to keep some semblance of balance – yet even these often confound me.  How are many man-made intrusions to Almighty’s design considered to be ‘good’?

With all of this,  I ground myself by thinking of NOW.  The people around me, strangers, next door neighbors, co-workers, friends and family – many of these who I consider the silent majority.  That portion of us who are living our lives to produce as much positive and kindness and simple self-rewards to sustain ourselves as the current convenience/industrial/regulation realm will allow.

Sure, there are outliers – those who spew hatred with their political name-calling, and those who prey on the weak, and those who regularly beat the war drums – and these are the fodder for headlines and blankets that skew the social networks.

But my day-to-day interactions are counter to this ugly racist/divisive/far-left/far-right social overlay that seems to define the majority.

I hope I’m correct – that the silent majority is as I believe, the good still there, the submissive and unspoken until awoken might that is truly indicative of humanity…

And on that note, I find myself awaiting from afar an increase to the positive – a new addition to the family!  A grandson will soon be born, a brother to the beautiful granddaughter who is now 3+.

Attuned to boys, having only raised sons, I am purely excited for this new arrival.  Another smattering of cells that were once part of me is to reside in a tiny new being – a mighty fine piece of new inheritance to survive me.  Praise Almighty!

A granddaughter and a grandson – these two little people are my hope for better, purer things in the future.  These two little beings that I don’t see but a fraction of what time I would prefer to spend with them – these assemblies of perfections and imperfections composed by their parents and all who came before them, these are the best things of life.

This Bubbe will not attend the birth or the first greeting due to a very recent job change, but count on me for a visit next weekend!

The recent job change was a surprise.  I knew I had overdone my time at my current position – but seemed resolved to continue to retirement, assuaging myself with the perks of bonuses and posh office space, flexible work schedules and rare public interactions.

Then I felt pushed too far, and the well-timed surprise recruiter contact regarding a new opportunity sent me back into the market.

I had my self-confidence restored with three job offers, from which I chose… a gardening service company!  Already, some of my physical ailments related to high stress are resolving.  The only true negative of the new position is the inability to take time off to attend the birth of my grandson.  But he won’t know that unless he’s looking back many years from now.

Until then, I’ll be working on providing him with positive examples.  🙂