Category Archives: Life Changes

Do Not

My statement on matters.

Do not confuse my silence with consent. Do not. I am observing and have seen many murders where people have determined themselves judge, jury and executioner.

Do not confuse my observations with acceptance. Do not. I do not accept that a human being is considered less valuable than another because of their birth, or place of birth. I observe actions, not color.

Do not consider my beliefs to be implied as the beliefs of others. Do not. Choice is a right given by The Creator, YHVH, and that is enough for me. I can disagree without expecting others to change.

Rather, show me a plan of justice that does not subvert Torah, and trust that my voice will be added.

Breathe Through the Storm

Spring has sprung and the fireflies have arrived.  It feels early.  It’s only been days since the last freeze. . .

I watched one alight on the garden bed beam, and as I peered closer, it flashed wings at me with agitated antennae.  I took the hint and retreated back – and it was gone in that moment.  Absent.

We are in the midst of this storm of no precedence.  The unknown.  Varied in strength and strike and form.

The storm activity has been one of ‘take shelter’ here.  In tornado country we know how to be prepared for a short and harsh duration that may cause a term of duress… but this. . .

Prepare for taking care of family – too many in the scary category to comprehend.

Prepare to be home for extended periods…  write lists, revise lists, check lists.

The theme has been prepare.

Work was deemed essential.  Many hours were spent by the team to set up and roll out that particular preparation.  I and my office mates are nearly full remote now – a jerky transition wrought with change and chaos and frustration – then sprinkled with joy and anticipation from my perspective.  What I have oft longed for is now short term reality.

And so, after so many means of preparing in and around my own realm – I recognize, once I’ve slowed down, that I’ve gone bouncing and careening along this whole storm prep while moving over and through several stages of grief.

My emotions must also have been setting up buttresses of potential realities and … well … here we are.  I imagine you or someone you know has been staging through grief steps as well.

Fireflies have been spotted.  So have asparagus beetles.  I’m awaiting a particular wasp to cart in luggage and set up home base.

It’s been a while since I’ve been ‘present’ here.  I’m surprised to recognize that.  If you’ve been along for the telling, we moved a few years back, leaving established garden spaces behind.  But we’ve been busy here, building new spaces and options… and I had opportunity to .. inhale it ..  breathe it in.  Absorb it.

It’s good – we’re a good building team.

Greens are growing.  Life is abounding here.  Breathing space exists and just in time.

I hope this finds you well.  Recovering, or surviving, or staging the grief steps – no matter where you are, I hope you find well ..  are well, .. will be well.

Peace out.

Adjusting Positively to Change

As time trickles seemingly more and more quickly through the lifeline hourglass, I find myself once again writing a catch-up post.

World events keep me alternately pressing my head, yoga style, into that hole in the ground, then rising, gasping with tear-filled eyes at the horrors I see played out around and to the globe we call home, tinted with the blood-stained, fear-driving scenarios of our future.

I subscribe to positive news feeds, to keep some semblance of balance – yet even these often confound me.  How are many man-made intrusions to Almighty’s design considered to be ‘good’?

With all of this,  I ground myself by thinking of NOW.  The people around me, strangers, next door neighbors, co-workers, friends and family – many of these who I consider the silent majority.  That portion of us who are living our lives to produce as much positive and kindness and simple self-rewards to sustain ourselves as the current convenience/industrial/regulation realm will allow.

Sure, there are outliers – those who spew hatred with their political name-calling, and those who prey on the weak, and those who regularly beat the war drums – and these are the fodder for headlines and blankets that skew the social networks.

But my day-to-day interactions are counter to this ugly racist/divisive/far-left/far-right social overlay that seems to define the majority.

I hope I’m correct – that the silent majority is as I believe, the good still there, the submissive and unspoken until awoken might that is truly indicative of humanity…

And on that note, I find myself awaiting from afar an increase to the positive – a new addition to the family!  A grandson will soon be born, a brother to the beautiful granddaughter who is now 3+.

Attuned to boys, having only raised sons, I am purely excited for this new arrival.  Another smattering of cells that were once part of me is to reside in a tiny new being – a mighty fine piece of new inheritance to survive me.  Praise Almighty!

A granddaughter and a grandson – these two little people are my hope for better, purer things in the future.  These two little beings that I don’t see but a fraction of what time I would prefer to spend with them – these assemblies of perfections and imperfections composed by their parents and all who came before them, these are the best things of life.

This Bubbe will not attend the birth or the first greeting due to a very recent job change, but count on me for a visit next weekend!

The recent job change was a surprise.  I knew I had overdone my time at my current position – but seemed resolved to continue to retirement, assuaging myself with the perks of bonuses and posh office space, flexible work schedules and rare public interactions.

Then I felt pushed too far, and the well-timed surprise recruiter contact regarding a new opportunity sent me back into the market.

I had my self-confidence restored with three job offers, from which I chose… a gardening service company!  Already, some of my physical ailments related to high stress are resolving.  The only true negative of the new position is the inability to take time off to attend the birth of my grandson.  But he won’t know that unless he’s looking back many years from now.

Until then, I’ll be working on providing him with positive examples.  🙂

 

Reflections

publish beauty

We celebrated this little beauty’s first year recently.  An astonishing fact, considering how quickly this time has lapsed.

It’s been a blurry year.  One of those mind-numbing, day-in and day-out, so many similarities that they all blend together sort of years.  The drudgery, the sameness, mostly blending so completely that before you know, the moments for opportunity are past – passed, slipped on by to become lost time; sometimes regret, sometimes survival.  Mostly, just a blur.

Emergency ailments, celebrations, discord and distress, good health, economic woes, family time, work, great friends – all combined to create another assemblage of time.  Moments and milestones, smiles and scares.

I’ve worked way too much, and the job project has hit the manic phase – a major program changeover that will wrap in ten weeks, with the primary module going live in three.  I’m worn near the frack out.  I was not cut out for 80 hour work weeks.  They’re an attack to the peace of the home front, and emotional health in general.  But the light at the end of the tunnel is now much less dim.

Time to start preparing for the next stage.

Hubby and I are scheduled to host our youngest grandbabe this next spring, spending a full week with her sweetness.  In the interim, we think we need to arrange more visits to get to know her better – so we won’t be such strangers when she makes her special visit to our home.

Shortly after that visit, we hope to attain some serious financial freedom – an opportunity to make remodeling plans for this ol’ home of ours.  Providing that there are no surprises between now and then, the first on my list will be a new main floor bathroom.  Dreams sometimes become reality, right?

Then fall plans include a meet-up with a dear friend, one of my Torah community members, to celebrate a Holy day and travel time visiting places and spaces where I’ve never been.

In the meantime, life is moving along at the full-steam sameness.  Yet, as much as that feels like reality, it’s really not is it?

The world is changing every moment, little bits and pieces bouncing around, pinging off each other, creating actions and reactions that not a single one of us can accurately predict.

We live, we die.

In the in-between, lies reality.

Family Vacation Day Trip



This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

We celebrated a milestone wedding anniversary, my husband and I.  As a treat to ourselves, we invited our adult sons and their families to a family vacation.  These shots are from a day trip to Ha Ha Tonka State Park, Missouri.  If you’ve never been, it’s worth the trip.

Understanding Snowbirds

Each year, another notch of unrest strikes at my aging body.

During the early years of marriage, our primary difference was where our ‘dream’ home was located.  He said humid Texas and I said rocky Colorado.  He loved the moist heat and I loved the dry cold.

As an easy compromise, we remained in Kansas.  Hot humid summers and cold-ass winters.  Neither of us really thrilled about the locale, but staying put is ever so easily accomplished.

Aging, it seems, makes me reconsider – perhaps there’s merit in warmer climates.

As the joints in my fingers squeal little prophetic tunes of ‘if you think this is bad, just you wait’, and my cold ankles send icicles up my spine, I recognize that there will need to be some more compromises made – and quickly!

I’ve discovered that once my ankles become chilled, there is no other body part that I can warm to adjust my core temperature back to comfort.  I simply have to find a method to keep my ankles warm, always.  Similarly, the back of my neck is now a temperature modifying zone.

Where are those leg-warmers of the 80s?  Why didn’t I subscribe to that fashion phase and store a box of them as mementos?

Thankfully, scarves have been quite the recent fashion craze – and as usual, I’ll finally be interested in them once they’re going out of style.  Count on me to be completely off the tracks of fashion sense.  🙂

Seriously though, I’ve recently discovered that quality “short”boots – not the ankle boots, mind you – provide just the sort of heat entrapment necessary for these thermostat ankles, so I’ve stalled the caravan South for a bit.

But I do understand those SnowBirds now.  Does that mean I’m still learning?