Category Archives: Every Day Life

R & R Observations

Finally, time in the garden and the urge to record.  Snapshots of the new home’s garden before and after.

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Cleared corner, prepped for the build
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Path and beds laid and planted – then came the rains…
Bed of hungarian peppers, rhubarb, choke berry, asparagus and heather
Inset path of ajuga, plantain and sorrel, etc
Beet greens and chard, etc
Heather

Pathway corner with ajuga
Creeping thyme from pathway
View under the rhubarb
Much awaited rainbow chard
Hungarian wax peppers
Cat in the carrot patch
View to the side garden
Plantain path between planters
Garden visitors

Ah, my favorite spaces.

 

Mid-Life: Crisis or Crux

Once again I find myself addressing the void, the lack of posts, the unspoken pieces.

There has been a lot of activity in the last year or so; so much to excuse the silence.   A lot of accomplishments, a lot of hard work, a lot of necessary doings – and a lot of deep thinking.

We often hear about mid-life crises – those defining moments when a person in their advancing years puts in a hearty attempt to stop the clock, to return to their youth in defiance of the advance.  I’ve witnessed this phenom, multiple times.  I’ve also dabbled with it off and on myself, when surrounded by youthful coworkers.

I’ve decided, however, that this is a thinly woven cover-up for the reality of mid-life.

Reality?  Mid-life is a crisis, a crux – a very poignant step where you find yourself staring at hard truths.

Who am I under all of this detritus?  Now that I’ve forged a path, albeit paved with a mish-mash variety of materials that ramble hither and thither with only the thread of staid peoples flowing constantly through, I stand at this juncture looking around and find…  myself.  That’s not what I went looking for long ago – in fact, I can assure you that I was actually running furiously from self.  Surprise!   And the best part?  I like me.  Who-da-thunk?

What are my priorities?  Having accomplished minimal security, in the paid-off home and accouterments, I am now free to look around and find that family is once again at the top of the list.  Except that I find myself pulled in both directions – toward adult children and their families and toward my remaining parent in his advanced years.  I’ve been in similar circumstance, while raising the children and caring for my handicapped mother.  But I had the understated stake on youth at that point, and was able to keep multiple plates spinning with nary a drop.

Where do we go from here?  Youth is gone.  There’s no recapture of the strength and stamina – and we will simply ignore the elephant in the room, ol’ beauty and the beast who now peers back from the glass.  The priorities are going to take a toll on us, that’s just a fact we’ll have to accept – and we’re not yet in a position to leave the work world, to free up time to better fit all of the pieces.

So my synopsis is that a mid-life crisis is not as we’ve always presumed.  Truly, it’s a point in life where we find ourselves split in three directions, filling three positions, nurturing three households.  We are the crux, the point between the past and the future.

Our goal?  To persevere.  And to do it well enough that our future selves may look back with fond memories, and peer out to see no longer ourselves, but the results of our hard work, our future generations.

 

Spring Challenged With Puzzled Daze

Who’s with me on the quest for warmer days, for spring sunshine and thawed soils?  South is the direction, I’m told – perhaps there is loamy soil that is thawing not terribly far away?

Longing deeply for longer days and physical purpose, I have lolled to such extreme that I don’t recognize my body parts when I glance down.  I’ve assembled nine puzzles in the last four weeks, and now have assembly down to a science of sorts:  outside frame first, then sort by color and assemble smallest sections first, then work up to the largest section and sort by shape.

Puzzling keeps me from surf-shopping, or lingering too long on social media.  These I find detrimental to either my financial or mental well-being, so work diligently to avoid them.

I’ve enjoyed fringe social media involvement for many years, grasping in the early days of the game that I could use settings to filter out or censor unwanted information.  I set up groups before it became an easy thing to do, and custom posted to my set groups many times over the years.  I understand the basic underpinnings of such outlets.

Lately though, there is too much filtering to do – I would have to censor nearly every ‘friend’, family, friend or acquaintance to maintain my sense of well-being.  So I reduce my time online, and diligently search for other activities to occupy my mind and fill my time.  This was not a conscious thing in years past.  It’s new.

Finally, I fully understand why there are some who pose the question “are we part of a simulation”?  It all seems contrived lately, manipulated and overdone – like life has turned into some horrible version of reality show mixed with soap opera.  I don’t want to be a cast member, I didn’t sign a contract for this – and the pay is horrible.

So, I dream a little dream of loamy soil, and sunshine on my back, and bird sounds and insect wings – and hang tightly onto the dangled offer to join one of my teammates in the greenhouse next week.

 

 

Adjusting Positively to Change

As time trickles seemingly more and more quickly through the lifeline hourglass, I find myself once again writing a catch-up post.

World events keep me alternately pressing my head, yoga style, into that hole in the ground, then rising, gasping with tear-filled eyes at the horrors I see played out around and to the globe we call home, tinted with the blood-stained, fear-driving scenarios of our future.

I subscribe to positive news feeds, to keep some semblance of balance – yet even these often confound me.  How are many man-made intrusions to Almighty’s design considered to be ‘good’?

With all of this,  I ground myself by thinking of NOW.  The people around me, strangers, next door neighbors, co-workers, friends and family – many of these who I consider the silent majority.  That portion of us who are living our lives to produce as much positive and kindness and simple self-rewards to sustain ourselves as the current convenience/industrial/regulation realm will allow.

Sure, there are outliers – those who spew hatred with their political name-calling, and those who prey on the weak, and those who regularly beat the war drums – and these are the fodder for headlines and blankets that skew the social networks.

But my day-to-day interactions are counter to this ugly racist/divisive/far-left/far-right social overlay that seems to define the majority.

I hope I’m correct – that the silent majority is as I believe, the good still there, the submissive and unspoken until awoken might that is truly indicative of humanity…

And on that note, I find myself awaiting from afar an increase to the positive – a new addition to the family!  A grandson will soon be born, a brother to the beautiful granddaughter who is now 3+.

Attuned to boys, having only raised sons, I am purely excited for this new arrival.  Another smattering of cells that were once part of me is to reside in a tiny new being – a mighty fine piece of new inheritance to survive me.  Praise Almighty!

A granddaughter and a grandson – these two little people are my hope for better, purer things in the future.  These two little beings that I don’t see but a fraction of what time I would prefer to spend with them – these assemblies of perfections and imperfections composed by their parents and all who came before them, these are the best things of life.

This Bubbe will not attend the birth or the first greeting due to a very recent job change, but count on me for a visit next weekend!

The recent job change was a surprise.  I knew I had overdone my time at my current position – but seemed resolved to continue to retirement, assuaging myself with the perks of bonuses and posh office space, flexible work schedules and rare public interactions.

Then I felt pushed too far, and the well-timed surprise recruiter contact regarding a new opportunity sent me back into the market.

I had my self-confidence restored with three job offers, from which I chose… a gardening service company!  Already, some of my physical ailments related to high stress are resolving.  The only true negative of the new position is the inability to take time off to attend the birth of my grandson.  But he won’t know that unless he’s looking back many years from now.

Until then, I’ll be working on providing him with positive examples.  🙂

 

Community Discussions – Open

Life As A Hebrew:

This has been a long time coming, but some of our community is having an ‘open’, well semi-open, discussion about Torah and the Land of Canaan.

You are welcome to see what it’s about:

http://torahhealstheland.boards.net/

Join in, if you agree to the terms.  🙂

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No Rewards

I sometimes ask myself why I believe Torah.  Why do I desire to serve Almighty?

Continually, I get knocked off my feet with discovered errors.

Always, it’s a lonely traipse through time.

The end of the matter – I have absolutely no skin in the game.  There is zero lineage in my family line that ties to the People of the Book.  I am listed on a family pedigree, part of a registered family history, that extends back to the 1500s, of European descent and documented immigration to the colonies in 1629.  I am European American.  Or hillbilly, in tribute to my dead mother.

There is absolutely nothing I gain by my desire to serve Almighty, except that I soothe my own soul.

I’m ostracized in some circles for staunchly defending my integrity.  My blood family steers a wide berth around me since they don’t understand me — that or they attempt to proselytize me.  My spouse thankfully tolerates and accommodates me, but disagrees with my beliefs, so I will not be a citizen in the land YHWH calls Israel, unless by means beyond my control.  Should I find myself there, I would have to beg for scraps, scrape by and feed off the corners, hope to become a servant to survive.  I have no inheritance.

You see, I am nobody.  I have no reward for what I believe.

What I have is a deep belief that what YHWH has set down in Torah is the most perfect system I could ever imagine.  I am a follower of rules, a cynic who tests but a guardian once I am convinced.  I could keep the instructions, I believe, should I be in the position to be in the land.  But what if I’m wrong?  If I don’t keep the Law in the Land, I would be expelled or killed.

Harsh?  Or perfect?

Either way – there’s no reward.  Yet, I will continue.